WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
