Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
