she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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