Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
