i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
