I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
