May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I want is dick and wine.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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