Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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