Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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