One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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