I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
