Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
