Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
