and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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