No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
