Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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