After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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