A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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