Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
