i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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