Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
