wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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