just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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