dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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