It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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