Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
