Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
