He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
