update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
