Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
