fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
