she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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