I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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