I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
