trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
