i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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