wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
