wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
