Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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