1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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