Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
