Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
