I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
