I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
