Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
