i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
