Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
