i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
