I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
