yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
