the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
