Swine flu. Run for my life!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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