This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
