It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
