I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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