I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
