Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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