I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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