Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Your penis caused this!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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