I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
