listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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